My eyes were fixated on the cars going by in the reflection. I didn't see much of myself- a blur with a green coat hunched over a notebook and an even greener drink. I blinked too fast and all of it became clear, forcing myself to look back at the drink in front of me. I don't know what it was but this Starbucks always tasted better than the ones back home. Maybe their matcha was just a little sweeter?
If you liked it that much, you'd drink it faster right?
As if she heard it too, the girl across from me lifted her gaze as she clunked her phone against the metal table. I knew what she was gonna say- hell, the setting sun knew it too, but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to look at my phone, I didn't want to see the time, I didn't want it to end.
"Psst, it's been over an hour." She said. "Are you gonna drink that?"
"Yeah, yeah." I said as I looked down at the three sips left in it.
As pathetic and dehydrated as I was, I knew that meant we had to leave once it was empty. I hated that looming feeling of the clock ticking down, like I was some kind of shitty cinderella with a nine o'clock curfew.
"Come on, it's not like summer break is that far out." She put her head on her hands.
"How are we gonna finish the short story in time for the compeition?"
"Umm...the same way we did before?" She paused. "Online?"
"It's not the same."
"Then come here next weekend."
I started sipping at my drink, a little bit of the weight lifted off my shoulders. "Only if we can go back in and play a few more rounds of IIDX."
It all started to run through my head- the two hour drive, the length of the songs I could pick to play that would use the least amount of time, the slight wiggle room I had to leave if there was someone who wanted to take turns playing. The arcade was just too good- we didn't have it back home and every time I visited the less I wanted to go back.
"Fine," She stood up, slinging the backpack over her shoulder. "Bet you're too tired to play 8's though!"
With that smile I threw on the cap and mask- I couldn't let my smile shine through while playing. I don't know why- it was the happiest I had been in recent memory playing the game. I didn't want people to see me happy even if they didn't know me. Even if they wouldn't see me regularly- there was shame in it, shame that I existed, shame that I never knew how to cope with.
"Maybe I should make you a character," The girl said as we crossed the street. "Maybe you'd win us the competition."
"Wouldn't that be nice," I pulled my mask down, taking my last breath of fresh air before we walked into the arcade connected to the mall.
It might as well have been night time already. Instead of a glass slipper I donned my usual black boots which might not have been high heels, but they gave me an extra inch. We cut through the ticket games to the rhythm game section and the exhaustion evaporated from me. No one was there! It was a miracle for a Sunday night. I had never been so happy to play my favorite game.
***
With that I got home just in time to see the lights flicker off in the rest of the house. I locked my bedroom door behind me. I threw my laptop and notebook onto my desk, rushing to the bathroom and pulling out the bleach from under the sink.
It's finally time. I thought to myself, pulling up the top layer of my hair. If I can have that much fun playing games, I can have fun looking how I want too.
I sat on the bathroom floor as the bleach set in, grabbing a journal covered in constellations I was too scared to use since it was so pretty. The first page you opened to had a page that read If lost, return to: that I looked at with a new warmth in my chest. I grabbed a purple glitter gel pen and very carefully wrote Void, smiling to myself despite the bleach starting to burn. Today was the start of the new day, ten minutes past curfew old me be damned.